The Anguisette

What is pain? What is pleasure?

I am a vampire. I revel in the beauty of pain and the pleasure that it can cause. I am also an Anguisette. I am in essence a walking dichotomy of pain and pleasure. I give and I take. The question is, why? What causes these bizarre forms of carnal pleasure to course through my being? Why do I revel in the sharp intake of breath that comes when one�s centers of pain are overridden and a sudden wash of relief washes over another? And why do I enjoy the sharp, awakening of my senses when pain blossoms upon my body like a night blooming flower?

I have never studied the intricacies of the relationship between pain and pleasure, but I do know a few basal facts. The same nerve endings transmit the signals of pain and pleasure. The signals travel down the same conduits until they eventually reach the brain and are interpreted. I also know that the same tactile feeling that is known as pleasure can be increased until it overloads the nerve ending and sends the signal that tissue is being damaged which triggers the receptors to interpret the feeling as pain. A light scratching with ever increasing pressure turns to a pleasant feeling as the skin is abraded roughly and then slowly turns to pain as the fingernails dig into the skin removing the top most layers causing capillaries near the surface to burst and pour forth their sweet red cargo. At this point, the brain screams out and sends signals to the muscles in an involuntary response that causes us to flinch away from the offending stimulus. In some cases, the pain is severe enough that the brain signals the release of endorphins. A chemical that courses through the body and confuses the nerve endings, endorphins cause a feeling of euphoria that some interpret as pleasure. There are those that derive sexual pleasure from this release. They seek out the deliverers of pain in order to satiate a need, a craving for this release. They are called �masochists�.

So what is an Anguisette? If a masochist derives pleasure from pain, then why is an Anguisette NOT a masochist? It is akin to asking, �Why is bondage different from domination?� Both are sexual pleasures derived from the subjugation of another. But one being physical subjugation and the other being mental makes a HUGE difference in how they are received. Bondage uses physical restraints to take choice away whereas the submissive member within a Dominated relationship WILLINGLY gives up control. Though it is a slight difference, the difference none the less makes a huge impact upon the situation. Thus, it is the same with the Anguisette. It is not the release of the endorphins and the elevated state of euphoria that gives pleasure to the Anguisette. It is the pain itself. It is as if the Anguisette�s tolerance for pain is heightened to such an extent that they never leave the realm of pleasure and enter the hell of pain. The brain never signals the release of the endorphins. Though the body begins to bleed, the receptors never signal the corporeal damage. The body never flinches from the pain, in fact, normally the body presses deeper into the stimulus trying to raise the level of the feelings.

As with most forms of sexual gratification, there is a varied range of stimulus that can be found either exciting or not. I am sure that there are many more than I can think of, but when all else is said, it boils down to a few categories. Squeezing, piercing, burning, tearing, cutting and bruising are the six categories that almost all forms of pain can be found under. Many may find pleasure in only one or two categories, many fewer will find pleasure in most of them. Only a very select few may ever be called TRUE Anguisettes and feel the heady rush of gratification from ALL six. Each has it�s own special feeling that at the lowest levels can actually be considered by most as pleasure. Each of them can also be escalated to such a height that can cause screams of agony.

1) Squeezing. The simple act of a hug, the presence of someone else�s body close to yours holding you tight can elicit both feelings of security and pleasure as your body and mind are warmed by the presence of another. As the pressure increases, the pressure upon internal organs causes discomfort as the body loses interior space that it would normally allocate to the various organs. Finally, the threshold is reached, breathing is interrupted and the organs are mashed together. At this point, the pain begins. The brain begins to function erratically as the flow of oxygen is reduced and the body begins to shudder from the increased interior pressure.

2) Piercing. The parting of the upper layers of the epidermis in a centralized point is the heady rush of piercing. Pleasure is found in the small pressure exerted as teeth bite into skin ever so softly. As pressure increases, the skin begins to part. The skin cells separate from each other as the instrument, body part or implement, begins to intrude inside. Finally, the underlying layers give way as the instrument passes within and pain is delivered in its sweetest form.

3) Burning. Heat. So warm, so comforting. Like the womb within our mothers, it surrounds us and gives us a feeling of security. But as it increases, it begins to get uncomfortable. Our bodies involuntarily respond by secreting liquid from our pores in an attempt to qualm the rising heat. As the temperature rises, the liquid within the cells begins to expand. The body sends more fluid to these underlying areas and as the cells begin to burst, forms packets of fluid upon the skin. These blisters are in and of themselves a form of pain. But with burning it escalates. The tissue of the broken skin cells begins to char from the heat as if being cooked. True pain is found when the tissue is cooked away and the raw flesh beneath is exposed to the sting of the air.

4) Tearing. The itch begs to be scratched. Nails upon skin glide delicately, almost tickling the surface as they stir the tiny hairs. Pressure brings pleasure as the nails dig into the skin, scaling off dead skin and impressing upon the nerves a gentle agitation that removes the itch. Still harder, the nails bite into the skin, tearing the surface of the cells causing them to swell as the body swells the tissue with fluid to protect the layers beneath. The welts that this swelling causes are tender and enflamed. Still, harder the nails bite, tearing away the surface layers of skin, and scraping at the subcutaneous levels. Pain ensues as the nails dig deep enough to open capillaries of blood and cause them to fount.

5) Cutting. The delicious cross between piercing and tearing. Only the sharpest of surfaces can part the skin in such a perfect line. Much in the way of tearing do the initial stages start, leaving red marks upon the skin, then welts, and finally a clean separation of the levels beneath. But, like piercing, it is quick and precise. The breadth between pleasure and pain is so minute as to be almost nonexistent.

6) Bruising. The truest form of pain. The sudden compression of flesh and organs beneath, UNLIKE squeezing, comes quick and fast. With gentle pressure, the pounding is therapeutic. A massage that releases tensions and improves the flow of blood to the muscles of the body. But pain in all of its glory is easy to amass in great quantities. A blow stricken hard enough can compress the skin beneath and cause instant breakage of the walls of the cells and capillaries. Quickly, a bruise forms. If the impact is hard enough, it can damage organs below or jolt them into incapacity. A strike above the kidneys can cause the victim to lose control of his bladder or a knock to the head can conceivably rattle the brain within the skull causing disorientation or a person being knocked out.

Like a fine wine, the connoisseurs of pain favor different flavors. Some prefer surface pain to interior, others have a discerned taste for only one particular type. No matter their preferred type, the feeling is all that matters. The onrush of, what should be, debilitating pain elicits extreme pleasure flooding their bodies. To some, like myself, it matters not what causes it or what form it takes, other than that it is caused by someone that is trusted and loved.

I have found over time that the true gift of pain is that it dulls the other senses. Vision is blurred, sound is muted and the empathic senses that I have become dulled. For a short bit, my mind revels within my body. There is naught but myself. Selfishness. The pain is mine. And for a short bit, it is the center of my universe. I hurt, therefore I am.