Diary of a Vampire
Diary of a Vampire
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soulkarma Diary of a Vampire

2004-11-09 - 7:05 p.m.

My Four Letter Word

I admit that I have, once again, been remiss in writing. It seems that at times, I get so wrapped up in life's little adventures and side trips that I completely and utterly neglet those things that allow me to experience them. My writing is one of these things that tends to be neglected, which is a true shame. It is through this medium that I am able to express my desires, my fears and my anger. This is my counseling. This is my anger management class. THIS is my group therapy.

'Hate' is a such a strong word. In its simplicity, it expresses an extreme dislike of a certain matter. Whether that is an ideal, a person or any other myriad thought, it does not change the power of the feeling. Yet, in today's world, I think we have lost sight of the emotional power of this word. Much like the list of forbidden words that we have become so desensitized to that they appear nightly on broadcast television, I feel that we have lost touch with the impact that such a small word can have.

"I hate my job."
"I hate shopping."
"I hate feeling sick."
"I hate it when you do that."
"I hate your mother's cooking"
"I hate asparagus."

It seems that we can hate almost anything. But in hating such small and insignificant things, we have rubbed away the rough edges of the word. Like the endless polishing of a river upon the rocks in its bed, we have worn away the jagged perception of this strong word, and created another pretty smooth pebble to place in our flower garden. But, does the appearance of this word matter? Does our reduced sympathies and insensitivity really diminish what this word TRULY means? Can we change the noxious power of this word, just by ignoring the depth of its meaning?

I think it is possible. We speak one of the most fluid and changing languages on the planet. Now phrases and idioms appear almost daily, choking off the vernacular and slang that existed bare minutes ago. We change our language like we change our clothing. What is in style this week, can become blaze' and outdated as soon as someone creates or bastardizes another word that in some way replaces the old one. Yet, through it all, the base stays the same. The root of the language does not change and neither does its vocabulary. But through the adaptation of our language, we tend to minimize the impact some words have. Some words, like hate, fall victim to this practice.

But why does 'hate' mean so much? Why is it so important about this word that it could cause me to fill your eyes with its presence? Why should you even care what happens to this word? I shall tell you why, to me, this tiny little one syllable collection of letters has such an extreme importance. I shall regale you with the ultimate evidence of why we should ALL resensitize ourselves to its power. I shall inform you of WHY, this word should roll off our tongues like the poisonous barb that it truly is.

I HATE HER! The expression alone causes no emotion. When the sentence is read, it conveys a dislike for a person, yet carries no true strength with it. It leaves the reader empty. What kind of hate is this? What depth of passion does the author feel with regards to this negative emotion? Had this statement been read a thousand years ago, it would have sparked an enmity in which one or more people could have faced their deaths. Yet today, it causes a brief murmur and then nothing. So what could convey the emotion that is necessary to bring forth the emotional understanding of true disparagement, true contempt for this person?

I HATE HER! With every fiber of my body, with every ounce of my essence, I hate her. My body is a roiling, seething mass of hate that churns endlessly seeking to burn her in its fiery embrace. If my hate was a weapon, she would be dead. If my hate was a sickness, she would like at my feet, a pile of rotting flesh. If my hate was fire, she would be blotted out as if she had walked upon the sun, completely incinerated. She is my enemy. She seeks to destroy me and I must protect myself from her ministrations at all times. I hate her for the fear she makes me feel. I hate her for the memories I have of her. I hate her for the suffering she has caused to not only myself, but to those that I love. She is a cancer, a disease, she is filth incarnate. My only solace is that even though she is vindictive, even though she is petty, it does not change the fact that she is ignorant. Her mind is like that of a vicious child. It turns with plots and subplots, each, more terrible than the last. They cascade through her head in an endless cycle of brutal ferocity. Yet, her mind is unable to grasp even the slightest form of cognizant thought and because of this, all she can do is increase the hate. She is inept in action, formless in style and bereft of any kind of intelligence.

Without the word, hate, without its power, my statements are reduced to the level of dislike that some have for taking out the trash. Our language has been diluted to the point that it takes a full paragraph to describe that which could have been said in three simple words strung together. �I hate her.� Such a simple statement, and so powerful when read in context as is done in the above paragraph. Yet alone, it is like her, bereft of emotion, simple and incomprehensible. Like her simplistic nature it conveys little to the observer. Like her, it is useless unless overshadowed by others surrounding it.

In the end, whether I simply state that I hate her or I convey an entire message to the matter full of complex language and creative idioms, it still boils down to ONE simple fact�.

I HATE HER!

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