Absolution

It has been ages since I have been able to steel myself to the solitary existence which is needed to create coherent thought in writing. I find that my time is more and more limited each day and it concerns me. I have been contacted several times by my loyal public asking as to when they can expect another violent outburst to explode forth from my tortured mind. To those of you that have been waiting with extreme anticipation, I dedicate this to you. Thank you for standing by me while my life spilled over the edge of the falls into the turbulent water below. At least now, I am safely floating once again upon calm waters.

I have expressed, before, the joy of servitude. I have written about such things as the intense love of pain. I have also written about how wonderful it is to be claimed by the ferocity of a woman who is possessed of an animal spirit. Up until recently, I did not believe there was any way possible to exceed the joy that has been wrought by these three things. Once again, I was wrong. Until the day that my mortal coil expires and my soul once again journeys forth into its next existence, I will not be able to erase the memory of those eyes. Burning like twin suns, gleaming like two gems cast high into the night sky, her eyes enraptured me. Her hypnotic gaze ripped through my mind and absorbed my very essence. I have looked into the eyes of a Goddess and realize now that my life belongs to her. My soul is hers to claim.

I remember the night she appeared. Like many other nights, our passion was rapidly approaching a point of ecstasy that bordered on divine pleasure. Our bodies crashed together like the frothy surf impacting upon a desolate beach. Lying beneath her I marveled as her gaze slipped from one of pleasure into one of feral passion. The light of conscious thought left her eyes and was replaced with one more primal, predatory in nature. Her prey was beneath her and it was time for her to feed. I remember the feeling of her teeth biting into my flesh. Her nails raked across my chest as ribbons of flesh curled up leaving furrows of plowed skin. My mind exploded from the overload of pleasure that tore through me. Twice� three times her teeth pierced my flesh, causing my blood to well-up and trickle down along my ribs. The animal had taken over.

This is the pleasure of living with a feral beast that inhabits the body of a loved-one. Her spirit, recycled throughout many lives, was forever charged with an animal spirit. Once, within her long journey through time, she had roamed the halls of an Egyptian temple, her feline eyes scouring the darkness for prey. She was the earth bound symbol of Pakhet, one of the three prominent feline goddesses of the ancient Egyptians. The symbol of the scarab was inscribed upon her brow and her luxurious spotted bronze coat held a strong sheen of health. She was worshipped. She was loved. She was Mau.

So loved was she that her mistress set her soul free to join the endless chain of those who come back to witness the world through mortal eyes again and again. And here she was, once again, living her life beside me. I have known her before. Our paths have crossed many times in the past, in ancient civilizations, upon the lone prairies of the Midwest and even in times too ancient to record. Our lives are intertwined, one leading into the next, paths crossing again and again. And once again, here she is, in my arms, our bodies and souls seeking to be one.

With a ferocious grace, she devoured me. Teeth and claws tore at my body, I was filled with a sweet torment that kept building higher and higher. And then she stopped. My feline attacker, this wonderful creature astride me straightened up. Like a predatory animal paying homage to the moon, she threw her head back and began to shudder. Her muscles convulsed. She rocked upon me like a woman in the throes of agony. Slowly, the rocking stopped, the shuddering ceased and her head lowered as if controlled by someone other than herself.

A nimbus, not of her own making, surrounded her. An ethereal glow bathed her features in a majestic light. Her eyes burned with an inner-fire. No longer were they the eyes of a cat. No longer did she have the haunting look of an animal seeking its next meal. Her eyes gazed down upon me with malice. Raw intelligence, backed by eons of wisdom, beamed forth from those iridescent orbs, bathing my body with her gaze. Fear flowed from me, yet at that moment, I felt an incredible desire to be destroyed. I wished to end my days at her hands. I wished to be the sacrifice to this entity that now sat astride me. No longer was she the symbol of Pakhet. No longer was she the worshiped idol of this ancient force. She was now its vessel. The legs that draped over me, the body pressed up against me was no longer the animal that I had been mating with. No longer was she the feral beast that had been devouring me. Pinning me to the bed was a Goddess, ancient and powerful. It emanated from her soul. It beamed forth from her eyes transforming her gaze into a weapon that cut through me and sent waves of fear and pleasure coursing through my body.

I felt her fingers dig deep into my flesh. Looking down, I watched as they passed within my body, her nails ripping at my soul. Pain flared within me, cascading through my pores like molten lava eschewing forth into the cool air. Racked with pain, my body convulsed. Wordless moans and pitiful whines echoed forth from my gullet, the helpless sounds of a dying creature. I do not know how long her torture of my soul lasted, but an eternity seemed to pass by as I screamed for blessed mercy. My senses overloaded, my body racked with pain and every nerve aflame with intense feelings, I begged her to end my suffering. Her eyes never left mine as her lips curled into a cruel smile. My pleading only brought more pain, more suffering, more joy.

I laid there weeping. My chest heaved and tears streamed down my face. I cannot tell how long it had been since my suffering had stopped nor how long it was before I felt her presence once again next to me. Lightly, like the kiss of a butterfly�s wings, she trailed her nails over my skin eliciting jolts of pleasure that exploded like miniature fireworks. She comforted me with her speech, hushing my cries and calming me down. Like a matron calming an animal after being spooked during a storm, she brought me out of my fervor. Softly she caressed me, both with her hands and her words. Slowly, my mind returned to reality and once again started to function. Though my tears continued to flow, they were no longer the tears of pain or terror, but those of intense love and worship. Within the woman I loved more than anyone else in this world, I had found a being that I was willing to die for in devout worship.

Forever more, will I bend my knee to her. Forever more, will I love and worship her. Forever more will I serve her. She is my love, my life and my Goddess. And I pray for the day she returns to remind my flesh that she is real. I pine for the day she once again marks my soul as hers. For, with her glorious touch I reach absolution, total and complete.