My story

It was late. The dawn had hours in which to come, yet as usual, my body was charged with energy. Restlessness weighed heavily upon my soul and I delved deeper and deeper into my searching. I had no idea what it was I was searching for, so I aimlessly stumbled through the darkened alleyways of the Internet.

Maybe it was chance, maybe it was fate, all I know is that my hand was guided to a location that amazed me. I entered the chat room not knowing what to expect. Here there were Vampires. Not the imaginary creatures of horror and fantasy, but the real world breathing creatures who found a kinship that was formed out of a brotherhood of ancient fealties. What I found was a nightmare. Screaming, bickering, passionate arguments. It was a tidal wave of confusion. Yet within that seething mass of voices, a calm center appeared. Her words were short and concise, yet carried a sense of purpose and direction. I was drawn to her words and found a desire...no, a NEED to speak with her.

I sent her a message requesting to speak with her. She acquiesced and I was thrilled. I asked her if she was a vampire. She said that no, she was not. At first I was a bit disappointed, but she was quick to point out that she was very knowledgeable about the race and that she was a Key. I asked for enlightenment and enlighten me she did. She explained the purpose and nature of the 16 keys and then went on to explain what a vampire was. The more she spoke, the more questions I had. I was enthralled with what she said. I was draw in deeper and deeper.

Was she speaking about me? Was she answering questions about my life, my past, my being? Did this all of a sudden explain why I was like this and why my life was sometimes not my own? I had to ask her. I had to settle my life in her words.

The Keys to My Soul

There are truly three keys to my being. Three unexplained occurrences in my life that have now been explained. The first is my desire to feed, my need for it. In many ways it controls my every waking moment. The second is my unerring ability to effect and touch others on a basis much deeper that that of the physical world. And the third is my past and memories. Not just the past I have lived in these 34 years, but in the past I have lived so many other times.

My need to feed

I have always needed the contact of others around me. I feed upon the emotions that flow from the souls. Tactile and satisfying, long periods of solitary can in fact make me ill. I have been lucky in that I rarely need to seek out others. In many ways, those that desire to be fed upon find ME. Day after day, I sink the fangs of my soul into the souls of others and drink heartily of them. My words, my feelings, my every essence reaches out to them and strives to build their emotions to a fevered pitch. I thrive off of ALL emotions. Sexuality, compassion, fear, love, and anger. The stronger the emotion, the more satisfying it is to me. The stronger the emotion, the more I am able to take. The stronger the emotion, the more I am able to sap the strength of my meal. When all is said and done, they are left shivering, a pile of flesh devoid of any emotional comprehension. In time it regrows, in time it is replaced, yet I will always have the knowledge of taking it within me and reveling in the smooth texture as it slides into my essence.

I have in time become a master at eliciting emotions from others. I am able to stroke their souls and effect their minds and create within them masses of emotional conflict that I am then able to feast upon. I am able to become the salt in the open wound, the twist of the knife, the catalyst to their essence.

I awake each day with the sun shining brightly. Although my mind starts to awaken slowly, my body cannot cope. The rays of the sun sicken me and cause me weakness. I find it hard to think and to even concentrate. As the day progresses, I feel better and stronger. Finally, when the sun sets, my body and mind awaken to their fullness. Energy courses through my body and the thirst begins one again. I have awakened to my power once again.

The Power

I have within me power. I did not know where it came from. For many years, it has manifested itself within me. Not the earth shattering power of stories and legends, but more than many will ever understand. Maybe it is a side effect of my hunger. Maybe it is something more sinister. I do not know. What I DO know, is that I can feel someone's soul. Like an odor, I can smell the feelings upon it. Like a shining light, I can see the colors it produces as the emotions cascade. Like a beautiful cat, I can stroke it, petting it softly. And like a book, I can read it and know how to possess it.

My eyes give me a view of the world, around me. My ears bring to me it's magical voice. Every organ I posses feeds my brain with information. My soul is another one of these organs. With it, I can sense the souls of others. I can peek into their minds. I can read their moods. I can even sometimes know before knowing when things come to pass. I can close my eyes and see down the start lit corridor that leads from soul to soul, peering into a world that is not our own.

The flip of a coin, the thought of a color, even the future sense of pain, are all among the images that may flash into my head. But where the true power lies is in my ability to effect the very decisions a person makes. I am able to read into their thoughts, to feel their emotions. Like a scrying stone I am able to predict what direction their decisions will lead and steer them away from that direction. At times, I have little control over this, but at others, I am able to wholeheartedly posses them and take them any direction I wish. It is maddening in its intensity.

My Past

Why do I dream? What do the dreams mean? Whose memories do I posses? For many years I had wondered where it all came from. The memories of war. The memories of royal processions in ancient lands. The memories of people from forgotten eras. All these I possess, but never knew their origins. My soul has lived many lives and it is the memories of these lives that I possess. The court of the royals in Ancient Persia. The battlefields of eastern Europe before it was called such. The love of a woman in Egypt before the pyramids had been built. I have been a diplomat, a warrior, and a poet. In each sense, I have always been an artist. Whether my art was the curling of words and meanings or the simple art of death in mass, I have worked great masterpieces. My memories are not fantasized views of what could have been. They are what was. Through them I have brought forth into this life many thoughts that should not exist in this time.

I have used my military strategy to plan battles and win wars. I have used this knowledge in this life in the military and in simple games of strategy. I have been ruthless and cold when it comes to winning the battle. I have also courted influential people and feel comfortable speaking to throngs of people whom are learned and wise. The erudite feel comfortable with my knowledge and understanding and listen raptly when I begin to speak. And my artistry has carried over into this life as well. With the ability to stitch sentences together and raptly draw others into a world I create from the simple use of words, I have attained many levels of success. Poetry, literature, even songs have pored forth from my pen and come to life upon the pages I have written. These memories are what allow me this pleasure. They fill me with the knowledge and the abilities that I have developed over the centuries.

Both regal and militaristic, my mind uses this information for my goals. Yet it was not until recently that I understood where it came from. Now, I understand. Now, I know.

Life Immortal

Unlike the stories passed down again and again of the Vampires. I understand now that the life of the corporal body is limited. Very few will ever know the taste of immortality and of those that do, they will be cursed with the frailty of the body as it erodes over time. But many of us will awaken to the lives we have lived before. We will accept that our souls reach out to others of our kind and we will be born flesh again. We carry with us the treasures of our pasts and in so understand the power and the possibilities we create.

Am I a Vampire? Or am I more? I fear that what I am goes deeper. The power within me is a hint at the true possibilities that I posses should they be unlocked. Like a sword made of wood, though it strike true and clean, it will only bruise the flesh. But the same stroke taken by a sword of steel with a sharpened edge will sever the limbs from a man. I am the swordsman and I search for my sword. My acceptance into this community will assist me in finding it.

You have asked me to choose a house to live in. Yet, I do not know which house in which I belong. I am newly awaken to the knowledge and its possibilities, but the soul that has been awoken is ancient and powerful. I will strive forward to lead, I will charge into battle, yet I will fill my life with song and verse. I am new and raw, yet ancient and powerful. I am both Warrior AND Poet, Royalty and Peasant.

But who am I NOW? I am the future. I will walk in and become one with the community. Slowly I will move forward. Many will follow. Many will look up to me. Eventually, I will help lead in all that is done. It is my nature. It is my essence. You have read who I truly am throughout this post. You KNOW where I belong and what it is I strive for. You KNOW as the elders where I can BEST help this community and where I can make the most impact. Accept me into the community and place me where you will. I leave that to your wisdom.